Woof people,
Please forward this advert to all dating
sites (don’t forget posting and re-posting on FB) for finding a suitable doggie
for me.
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Woof's up, lady doggies?! I'm Coco Dwivedi. |
I’m Coco, an unusally slight Labrador
Retriever whose lean physique and short legs can be blamed on the lineage.
Unlike other Labs, I don’t see too well in
the dark, am suspiciously short sighted and my heightened sense of smell is
limited to sniffing female doggie urine. However, the lanky guy- I think his name is Doctor- who keeps
sticking things up my posterior and takes notes says I’m extremely healthy.
I am a true exponent of non-violence, and
have been handled my ass by a cat 1/4th my size, a stray ½ my size,
and an invisible devil that appears with loud bangs, mostly in October. I am
stronger than all of those mentioned above (except for the mysterious invisible
and loud devil) but I choose not to create a violent atmosphere. After all, an
eye for an eye makes all puppies blind!
The fact that I merely want to play is lost
on my so called foes, but I always give them the other cheek. Someday, I will
win them over. You could call me the eternal optimist.
Why, my stories of compassion are legendary
in my extremely large house. There have been instances of a pigeon laying eggs
and little pigeons hatching right under my nose, and I have protected them.
The
mommy pigeon has at times mistaken my extremely aesthetic nose as a perch, but
I’ve never colluded to harm her. I’ve seen the pigeons grow up as my own,
especially since my family members share a common misconception that my sex
drive is as low as theirs, and due to that, I still don’t have a family of my
own.
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Lonely, I am so lonely, I have nobody, of my own! |
I absolutely love air-conditioning, and have
half a mind to write to the Doggie Prime Minister of K T Village, Vasai road to
install Air conditioners for all my lesser fortunate doggie pals living off the
street.
I seldom bark, with the grand toto of my
barking not exceeding 50, and I’m two now!
I love chocolates on my birthday, on Independence
Day of K T Village Vasai west, and everyone’s birthdays and special occasions. To
say I’m partial towards chicken would be the understatement of the century.
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My Birthday no. TWO Cake! Slurp, slurp. |
I don’t take too kindly towards travelling
by Car, as I get claustrophobic and nauseous. Rickshaws, I LOVE as I can jut my
face out and absorb scenery and let my tongue hang out.
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I also love trains! Such shiny rail tracks! I like, I like! |
I’m not really materialistic, and have only
a leash, a bowl and a bone I call my own. I also have a pillow that doubles up
as Playboy for me, but somehow Himani didi keeps snatching it away from me while
laughing all the time. Talk about mixed signals from females! That shit transcends species.
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My current Soul-mate- Ze Pillow! |
I don’t like Kartik bhaiyya a lot, as he is
a disciplinarian and keeps pulling my leg. That does not mean I don’t love him
though. He makes me chicken once a month, and he’s the only one who regularly bathes in the house, so I love licking him the most after I've quenched my
thirst off the commode.
Also, I feel safest with him and run to his side whenever that invisible devil (may all the curses befall him) appears!
Also, I feel safest with him and run to his side whenever that invisible devil (may all the curses befall him) appears!
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The Chief Tormenting Officer of my life. |
I like to take Himani Didi for a walk (god
knows she needs it!) at least 5-6 times a day, a record, I’ve heard in all of
KT Village Vasai west!She’s my best friend, and I get really lonely without
her. I love her the most! And I’m sure she loves me more than she loves Kartik
Bhaiyya!
I know Baba does not like a lot of my Emran
Hashmi style smooching so I give him his space. He is always welcoming me to
his air conditioned room and does not disturb me during my afternoon siesta. He
loves me in his own way, which is amply clear by the dollops of chicken he
gives me daily!
Yes, he is a bit lazy and does not accompany me for as many walks as I would have liked, but he’d kinda old and laid back, so I compromise. Compromise is my middle name.
Yes, he is a bit lazy and does not accompany me for as many walks as I would have liked, but he’d kinda old and laid back, so I compromise. Compromise is my middle name.
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This ij BABA! |
I’ve got two more siblings, Jyoti didi and
Anant bhaiyya. I love chewing on Anant bhaiyya’s shoes as they always smell
weird, and I hate that. I rarely pee in my house, as I like to take my business
outdoors, but if I fancy a pee in the house, Anant bhaiyya’s bed is THE spot.
He’s a pansy, and in spite of trying to sound like a tough guy and shouting on
me once in a while, I don’t take him seriously and off the 50 barks, 45 have
been on him. But I NEVER, NEVER bite. Not my style.
Jyoti didi is my friend. She’s constantly giving me a manicure or ridding me of bloodsuckers. When that Kartik bhaiyya took me away to a dungeon (thank god it was at least air-conditioned), she stood by me.
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Jyoti Didi!!! |
I initially misunderstood that Kartik bhaiyya wanted to send me away, but later realized that I was sick and need care. So I love Kartik bhaiyya again.
I don’t like all the children that keep
clinging to Himani Didi, especially the short, weak ones that need to be carried
all the time! I mean, come on! You've got two decent paws, USE THEM! Hey,
honesty is the best policy, right?
I’m still not completely clear about the
female doggie anatomy and sometimes mistake male doggies to be females. I’m
hoping to resolve this issue at the earliest.
One of my greatest achievements till date- I’ve turned two dog fearing kids into dog loving kids with my playfulness and non-violent streak.
I’m on the lookout for a doggie mate, preferably a female one, and want to start a family of my own. Screw that,
honest to goodness, I just wanna get laid! I’m tired of just looking at Kartik
bhaiyya and Himani didi, I want some!
I’m a clean, clean hearted, lovable doggie
with a good family of dog obsessed critters (sadly, not so obsessed with
dental hygiene) and would love to start a family with you. Any takers?
You can
woof me at 9004492811/9867575608/9960090982/9960090830
(They’re all my peeps. The first one is Kartik bhaiyya’s. Be nice to him if you don’t want to go to the dungeon! The second one is Himani Didi. I could loan her to you if you fancy taking her for a walk. The third one is Anant bhaiyya. You’re more than welcome to boss over him, pee on his bed, and chew his things. The fourth is Jyoti didi. I’m not gonna share her, sorry.)
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Ma Peeps! |
(They’re all my peeps. The first one is Kartik bhaiyya’s. Be nice to him if you don’t want to go to the dungeon! The second one is Himani Didi. I could loan her to you if you fancy taking her for a walk. The third one is Anant bhaiyya. You’re more than welcome to boss over him, pee on his bed, and chew his things. The fourth is Jyoti didi. I’m not gonna share her, sorry.)
great article, You knows how to play with words,..
ReplyDeleteThanks Prashant :).
ReplyDeleteI now need some female Doggie Coco can play with :)
Ha ha
Deletevery articulate!
ReplyDeleteThanks Gautam!
ReplyDeleteTotal Tod fod. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anant!
ReplyDeleteYou said thanks?
Delete*eyes get watery*
Amazing :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Kaushal! Hope we find Coco an amazing female doggie too!
ReplyDeleteNice article chachaji.. I really loved it..Hope to see you all very soon,,,,
ReplyDeletend all the very best Coco...
Thanks Kushi! Hope to see you soon too!
ReplyDeleteNice Article dude... felt refreshing after reading this.. thanks and keep posting.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sanket, will do!
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ReplyDeleteThe sheepdog Belle on the right is fed up with the 2 'boyos' as they keep her awake at night barking at random things and take up room in her doghouse.
Let me know when I can ship them over to you.
Hello Allowdale Herefords,
ReplyDeleteThey're both cuteness monsters! The more the merrier I say, so ship 'em ASAP!
Oi, I realized it's you Anne! Many thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteThis fucking awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks Rajeev!
ReplyDeleteWonderful.. Really enjoyed reading your article
ReplyDeleteThanks Fathima, I really enjoyed writing it too :)
DeleteWonderful.. Really enjoyed reading your article
ReplyDeleteAwwwww Coco, love you! KD ko salute, ab apki writing aur wit ki bhi fan ban gayi hun, apki craziness ke liye meri fangiri continues.
ReplyDeleteCoco mere laal, jaldi se tumhe apni dulhaniya miljaye aur tum 2 se 6 banjao. Aur apki bachchon ko mein godh lungi :-)
Thanks Vinu :)
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